Substance Abuse

If your life is so miserable that you have to get drunk to have some enjoyment in life, why don’t you go jump off a building, and the rest of us can get on with our lives?

Now I know it’s a little graphic and I’m sure the author doesn’t actually mean to promote suicide, the point is still simple: If you can’t have an enjoyable life without drugs or alcohol, what’s the point of living it?

I wish I could just put this on a billboard near every bar and dispensary in town. It is so goddamned engraved in our culture. This kind of unacceptable, toxic behavior. No, I’m never going to be the type that’s skipping to happy hour or needing a “drink” to “take the edge off.”

Growing up, as children, we see alcohol being romanticized. In movies, we watch as the main character has a drink and then musters up the courage to talk to a girl. Or we watch as the boss decides to offer a promotion to his loyal, bar accompanying assistant.

Reality though, is little different. My first experience with drunk bosses occurred two years ago. I worked as a waiter for a few weeks before I got fired (lol). One night, while we were cleaning up the restaurant, my boss opened a beer. I quickly learned this was his typical closing ritual. As he began to drink, his personality would increasingly become more candid.

At one point, he took it out on my coworker. Just straight yelling at her. I don’t even remember what the fuck for. All I remember was he said something about her fingernails not being perfectly manicured. She started quietly crying. The worst part of about it is, he didn’t even stop or dial down once she began to cry. It was like he was looking for a reaction for his own satisfaction.

I didn’t last there long. And if i was that girl, I would have quit right then and there.

Since I live in Washington, this post would be remiss without a notable mention of marijuana. When you start working, often mary j becomes a symbol of camaraderie and solace among coworkers. Statements like, “Do you smoke?” are more like exclusive social invitations. You’ve made it. The cool crowd. The let’s-get-stoned crowd.

Weed, in essence, is not that much different from alcohol. Not its chemical properties. But the fact that weed is used to foster socialization among coworkers. And the truth is, I learned after a few years that stoners continue to work at jobs to pay for their addiction. They will only develop serious motivation and ambition if their weed-funds become dangerously depleted.

One day it all made sense to me. For this incredibly long post, which I’m only privileged to write when school is not in session, I come to my main thesis: Don’t work a job where you need to be high or buzzed to “get through it.” Your job should be something you’re proud and excited to do. Obviously that’s an optimistic belief, however I truly think when you put whatever substance you’re addicted to away, perhaps you will figure out what truly brings fulfillment to you. Because honestly, alcohol and drugs are a pretty pitiful way to generate fulfillment.

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Substance Abuse

dream

Trust is weird, comfort is dangerous, and your eyes are full
A delicate silhouette, rising and falling
I can almost trace out the second
I realized you were in love with someone
Pure wonder in a dream wasteland
The careful concave, automatic exhale
A woven story, determined to fail.

dream

Growing up

Ain’t nothing the same anymore. I can’t believe we all grew up together.
we all have certain chapters dedicated to certain people
we threw the ink on page and slashed out those who no longer served us
we felt their essence try to break through our story
bleeding through the paper, pens pressing too hard
scars that last forever, a lasting memory, abominable art
we say words we don’t mean, apologies in silence
catharsis in the needle, a world apart fighting isis
terrorism on the planet won’t grant us poetic justice.

Growing up

growing pains are the real thing, man.

When I was younger, I used to think that growing pains were just like your bones getting longer or something. I thought it was all about getting taller.

Nah.

Growing pains are more associated with growing up. The illusion is over. You need to figure out what you want to do; without reaching age 40 and having a crisis about wasting your time in a job you don’t like. There’s a lot at stake, I guess.

It’s like facing all your fears and countless rejection. That’s growing pains. I’m beginning to get it now. And I know, it never truly stops. But that’s a good thing. Keep growing, you know. It’s just a painful ass process.

growing pains are the real thing, man.

The Medium

I knew the medium long before it knew me
I knew its dysfunction, disrespect
Increasing control and manipulation

I knew its trials and tribulations
Fought hard against assimilation

I knew the secrets we had to share
I knew the solace in pacts
Found family in friends
Wellbeing in tact

I knew the long hours we stood
Under pointless administration
Clocking in and out timecards
Our minds hidden in salvation

I knew the ones who worked hard
Hustled out with no options
Came back on home turf
Facing nothing but morons

I knew the promises we broke
The lash out was justified
Kindness and consideration
Is what we now swear by

I knew the medium long before it knew me
If we’re so unstoppable now
Just breathe, breathe
Breathe.

The Medium

college through the lens

i see the flux
past paper and shoes
white erasers, blue packaging
alternative skaters
hold on to what’s true

a well oiled machine
or a man-made weapon
a fight against humanity
or a tragic debt strategy

they flush in like tides
swelling and receding
half distant, half smiling
on the fifty, on the half, and on the hour

the unspoken word
written in graffiti
a wise but true saying
laced like the islands of Fiji

absorb what you know
pump and dump academics
realize political gain
pump and dump integration

what you learn most
is in between the lines
a faulty version system
of hiding what it denies

this all too well known expression
that “a university is a business”
but only in the rat chase
do you realize the consequence

the world at large,
not different from you and me,
the system is rigged
beat the system and you’re free.

 

college through the lens

small talk

Sometimes you see people
you want to know who broke their heart
the time they scraped their knee falling out of a tree
or the words a family member jokingly passed along
reaping deepest insecurities for years to come

you want to know what song makes them pull over
or what painting invigorates the lost life and spark
you want to know who stole their innocence
their happiness their free will, break their apathy
who taught them sarcasm, wit, crude humor

But these things you don’t just learn
they take concentrated effort
So when people ask me why I’m so opposed and cold and annoyed
About small talk
it’s because all this, right here
weighs infinitely more
than your favorite color or tv show.

small talk