hedonism

when you fall apart before you even had a chance, it’s hard to forget. there’s always these infinite possibilities, picture perfect scenarios, gram-worthy photo stocks

i ask myself why it’s so damn hard to forget, if i’m just a hedonist trying too damn hard to hold on to it.

i tell myself i’m not alone. you expressed the same sentiment, once.

i ask myself why it’s so damn hard to forget, if we’re both just pleasure-seeking junkies awaiting our next sweet hit.

i remind myself that there was pain. lots of it, probably endless amounts spilling over, if i’d continued to stay.

i ask myself if you knew what you were doing, dousing and lighting and nursing my wounds.┬áplay rescue doctor and evil surgeon until i’m nothing but ruins

put morphine through the needle, i’ll try to forget. my body grows lifeless; seeds of paranoia, resentment, and disgust are met.

hedonism